Saying Goodbye.....

Goodbyes are never easy for any of us. They are especially difficult for a teenager who's mental health ailments includes severe separation anxiety. So, losing not just one of our support team members, but the one we dubbed our "Team Captain" has us all both saddened and nervous about the coming weeks. The thing is, he has been such a huge help to my grandchild in learning to cope and deal with that dreaded "F" word.... feelings, that we are also encouraged and hopeful about how she is going to handle this change in her treatment. Plus, she has her original primary clinician to step into the Team Captain spot now. Still, I feel like there is so much left unsaid by me. That is why this blog entry is dedicated and directed to our departing Team Captain. I hope that someday he is able to read it and know what a difference he made for us all. I won't mention anyone by name, without permission, so I will just call him "Captain", this one last day.

Well Captain, I wish that I could say that we only feel happiness in this opportunity that you have been given. You didn't go into details about your new job but you mentioned that you will be leading a new team, and I cannot imagine you doing less than excellent in such a position. But we, as humans, are often selfish people and while we really are happy for you, we are feeling sorry for ourselves.

When I reentered this journey that the kid is dealing with, I did so feeling frustrated and ready to take on anyone who stood in our way to providing the best care for her. I hadn't spoke to you but a few times so I didn't know what to expect. I didn't trust you or anyone else at that point, due to the frustration of feeling like we were fighting for her and against multiple agencies. It sure didn't feel like a cohesive team unit with one goal.

Then came the day of a complete crisis outburst. Yeah, you know what day I am talking about.... that Monday. For the first time ever, I felt so inadequate to be able to help this child. If you, or anyone else, said that she needed to be hospitalized at that moment, I would have signed whatever papers were necessary because I didn't believe that I was capable of providing the care she needed at home. But something great happened that day. I got to see you in action. I watched you deescalate the situation, not once but twice that day. I did not feel like we were facing this alone. And for the first time, I felt the support that was available for not just this child, but for us as well. By the end of the day, with her still blessedly at home, I knew that we could do this. Not by ourselves, but by utilizing the support that you and the entire agency was ready to give at a moments notice.

Since then, I saw an entire fractured team come together. Finally, it was a multi-agency unit working towards as a single unit. You helped to give us all the confidence in our own voices. You encouraged this kid to use her voice - to speak up, to speak out, with confidence of having the support backing her. It felt so reassuring to know that walking into any group meeting, we had "back up". You and I both agreed that it would be more useful to have one person coordinating all the multiple agencies and people involved in her care. I knew immediately that I wanted you to be our "Team Captain", and everyone else in this family agreed.

When you started out with us, you stepped immediately into an angry confrontational verbal outburst from a child fed up with her life and everything happening around her. You allowed those outbursts and encouraged her to express herself so. And then, you began to help her learn to express herself in other healthier ways. You insisted on her safety when she was at risk, and acknowledged her being able to get things back (such as strings of lights) when she earned that right by staying safe and free from self-harm. You have advised, encouraged when needed and discouraged when needed as well. You never gave up on her, no matter how much verbal abuse she used to try to get you to back off. And I have watched it all so that I might learn by example. 

You didn't just gain this grandmother's respect, you gained my gratitude. I was able to step into the role of guardian and care provider with more confidence and reassurance than I would have been able to without your support. And I will be able to continue that role with skills I have been learning by your example, and will continue to learn by the examples of the rest of her support team. I don't trust easily, but you earned my trust and my respect, which helped me to see my role and duties in being a part of a team.

When her original clinician came back from leave, you didn't step down but rather stepped aside so that you could both work together as co-clinicians. This prevented our child from having to choose between either of you, and you have no idea how much that was appreciated by us. We didn't know at the time that it would work out to ease this transition she is now facing with you leaving. I cannot imagine what that would have been like without your foresight. And I know that our new Team Captain is going to do just as well. But without you leading the way in my part of it, I might not have had that confidence so soon.

Goodbye "Captain", and thank you for all that you have done for us and families like ours. You make a difference and you are more appreciated than you realize.